Marriage - Pick Your Hard.

Well, we've not been married quite 8 years (It will be in May) but it feels like it's been much longer. It's only been 5 years since I wrote the post about marriage being hard. 

A few months back, a friend asked me if I still felt the same now as I did then about marriage being easy and the answer is YES!!
I still believe Marriage is the easiest thing I've ever agreed to.
BUT I will say, I don't think it would be nearly this easy if it weren't for the man I've married. He is the ying to my yang, the PB to my J, and absolutely the love of my life!!

I am always amazed at this wonderful soul, who, inhabits this handsome man, who, calls himself my husband.  Matt is so selfless, kind and reasonable. I think those are 3 of the most amazing qualities in a person anymore. Matt, 9/10, will always put others needs ahead of his own. When he can't, he is honest about why. He has never made me feel less and is always reasonable when we happen upon disagreements. 

Hard times in our marriage are few and far between. So much so that we usually can't remember the last time we fought or what we fought about. I've been so proud of our marriage and that I can genuinely say I can count on 1 hand how many times we've legitimately fought. Those few times we have fought have been debilitating. I'm not exaggerating; I've been physically ill over our lack of connection. Deep down I always know I can count on Matt to show me kindness, grace and empathy, in turn making me want to show him such. 

• Even after 8 years together, my day feels 'off' when 3 or more hours pass from the last time we talked.  I get giddy when I hear his ring tone. Our kids and I will race to the phone, excited to talk to him!!
• While I'm still half asleep, I can always count on Matt to kiss my face and tell me he loves me before leaving to work. He's never missed a day!!
• I'm always the first person Matt hugs and kisses after coming home. I want my children to never forget our commitment to keeping each other second ... after Christ. 
• I am thankful to have my husband to provide shelter for our family - Emotionally, physically and mentally. 
• I can always count on Matt to listen to me if I tell him I need him. 
• We are always so eager to go on a date. We consider a date to be refreshing to the long days/weeks. Even if we aren't talking and we just drive around in the car listening to music. We've laughed about this on dates - because the moment our kids are back in the car with us, it's chaos so we totally welcome the quiet drives to and from our date destinations. 

Lately people have been getting divorced and are being praised for going through something hard. Yes, divorce is hard. Matt and I have both been there.... but really, praise worthy?? Is it? I have always loved the quote attached to an image of an older couple laughing together that said, "We were married in a time that when something was broken, you fixed it. You didn't buy another." And it's so true. I believe it whole heartedly but I can empathize the emotional turmoil of knowing when something is unfixable. I've asked Matt numerous times if he thinks he'd ever get sick of seeing my changed, larger body or get annoyed of my simple mind - He just laughs and usually comes up with some witty way to let me know that I'm stuck with him and we are going to get 'old and crusty together.'
I've always said, 'Pick your hard.' I refuse to let marriage be hard. My attitude towards my husband and our marriage is in my control. Life is not always in my control and it is hard. But knowing that I have safety in God, who is all knowing & full of peace and a husband who provides comfort during those hard times, why would I want to sabotage that by picking fights or being a beast. 
Don't sabotage your marriage. Don't engage in fights that aren't going to produce anything good. Let your children see what true love looks like.