My mind suffers at times to see myself and others the way God see us.... As ONE. I don't say these things to make it seem like I'm having an identity crisis and need pats on the back. I say these things to confess because I have often times thought of myself as better than others.
I had a beautiful moment while reading a book called Present over Perfect. It was filled with little bits of wisdom and during one chapter, my memory was flooded with moments in my life when Jesus took what I thought was my identity and filled it with His story.
These were;
Moments in college that led me to a terrible empty space of worthlessness and despair. But God..... enveloped me with acceptance, strength, and importance.
Moments in my first marriage that left me feeling empty and replaceable. But God.... filled me with precious love, protection and care.
Moments in this season of motherhood that brought me to my knees with tears falling. But God.... showered me with mercy, grace and forgiveness.
Moments in my hobbies, of being athlete, when that part of me fell away by an injury. But God.... Lifted me up and carried me through. Moments, when I lost my 5 babies and almost my life, hurt more than I could have imagined and I was overcome with pity for myself & tried to dull the feelings of being broken. But God..... mended the fibers of my torn heart and tethered it to His.
Moments, that ultimately led to the removal of my name to the religion affiliation of my youth, I felt scared and lost. It was the ultimate loss for me. One of not having a clue as to who I was, and who I want to be. But God..... came to the rescue with His promises of faithfulness, safety, and a covering.
He came with a promise that it was okay to lose myself. He wanted me to lose myself so that I could be found in Him!! I had to go through those hard times to truly see Him for who He really is!
My identity isn't in myself. I die everyday to myself so God can come in and make me new. (Luke 9:23)
I often find myself asking Why? Why, God, did you bless me so beautifully? In humility, I am a screw up. But look at all the times I screwed up and all that times that He rescued me. Because it's in His nature to do so.
He rescued us when He left His throne in Heaven to come down, dwell with us, then sacrifice Himself on our behalf.
That is the REAL ultimate loss for all of us. So I will die to myself & my self perceived identity, every day, and pray that He will continue to be patient with me until I can bear good fruit, rooted in Him. (John 12:24)
I Am A Christian
When I say that "I'm a christian," I am not shouting that "I am Clean Living"
I'm whispering, "I was lost, but now I'm found and forgiven."
When I say, "I am a Christian," I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not bragging of success,
I'm admitting that I have failed and need God to clean my mess.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far to visible but God believes I am worth it.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I still feel the sting of pain.
I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.
When I say, "I am a Christian," I'm not holier than thou.
I'm just a simple sinner who received God's good grace, somehow!
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